Yeshua and El Roi

This past month has definitely been a hard one emotionally for our family. What started as an easy-looking, smooth-sailing kind of month, didn’t really turn out like what we had in mind, but was more beautiful that we could imagine.

Well, in the beginning, we still didn’t really know what was in store, but one really cool event was that Richard and Santiago were able to go to a Memphis Grizzlies game with some good friends of ours, Wes and Roman. Wes had a few extra tickets that were given to him and so we were able to have an experience of a lifetime. In the beginning, I don’t think any of us knew what we were getting ourselves into, but once we ate at the buffet that was included with the ticket and then found our seats courtside, it definitely blew our minds! Santi’s favorite part was making a stack out of the free popcorn boxes and then waving them around…he even made it on the jumbotron! Richard had an amazing time getting to hear about Wes’ adventures living in Africa and who knows what the boys talked about!

Spring Break was pretty low-key as well. Ximena and Richard had to continue to work at the office, so we just traded off working from home. We had a foster baby that we were providing respite care for the mom who was going out of the country. We went out to a restaurant with some friends who came up to visit from Mississippi. The food came out and we were both about to start eating, when Ezra decided he didn't want to sit in his chair. We looked at each other and laughed...then Richard held Ezra while Ximena ate really fast and then they traded off. It was definitely fun to go back to that "baby stage," although it was a huge reminder of what it is like to eat with a baby again! The rest of the week the kids enjoyed some chill time to just watch TV and play in the backyard with friends. One of our neighbors has younger children that we were able to have over to the house to give her a bit of a break and the kids love playing with them.

Another really cool moment was to be able to go see the movie "Instant Family" with the kids. It is PG13, so it does have language, but it was such a great movie. One moment towards the end of the movie when things weren't going well, the parents (Pete and Ellie) who were fostering 3 kids decided to go and speak to the family (Fernandez family) who had originally encouraged them to get into foster care. The Fernandez family shared that their daughter, Brenda, wasn't there because she was back in rehab. Pete and Ellie flipped out and couldn't believe that the Fernandez family would have recommended fostering if they knew something like this could happen. The mom, after slapping Ellie which definitely caused our kids to laugh, shared something that hit home...she said, "Sometimes she stumbles, but she is a good kid and she is in there doing the work, getting herself clean. And you don't know what is going to happen and this has you feeling what? Frustrated? Scared? Lost? That's how your children feel every day of their lives...Guess what? Things that matter are hard." After crying through most of the movie, it was really a time to reflect on our kids and the journey God has taken us on. Each one of the kids God has "borrowed" us have been through so much trauma, but they are good kids and constantly doing the work. Again, even this movie was just a little calm before some time of storms, but definitely recommend it.

The first thing that happened was receiving a call from our oldest daughter, Mayumi. We knew something big was up because we had heard from her twin brother of some things that were going on. She shared with us that she had decided to move in with her boyfriend of a few months and that she just wanted us to know. As parents, I think sometimes we see the best in our kids, more than they can ever see. It’s like those parents with the ugly baby who post pictures of how cute they are everywhere…it is impossible to not be proud. Well, Mayumi is someone who is so beautiful inside and out, but she still can’t see it. She has always wanted to be loved by a man and we know this comes from trauma in her childhood, but this was definitely a hard one for us to take in. We met him on that call and he is an interesting character. They are currently living with his grandmother and his parents are giving him some money to help them to survive. Whenever we asked Mayumi if she was happy, she just cried. We would really, really appreciate prayer for her and this situation. We really want what is God's best for her, even if it isn't what we think is best. Please pray that her boyfriend Adrian would meet Christ and that He would be changed through a relationship with Him. Please pray that Mayumi would not feel trapped or hopeless in the situation, but more than anything that she would see herself as God sees her.

The second thing that happened, which this is the first time that we are going to publicly post about this although we have e-mailed some of you previously, is that our oldest son, Gustavo, started using crystal meth this past year. To give a little of the backstory, in October, Richard went down to check him into a drug rehab facility in Guadalajara, Mexico and he had been there ever since. It is really hard to see your kids struggle with addiction and to see two different personalities come out within minutes of each other was really difficult. I think that is why "Instant Family" hit even closer to home for us.

During the past 6 months, it has been a really difficult time for our family. The first few weeks we knew were going to be difficult, since he was going to be in the detox phase. But even after the first few months, it was almost impossible to get in touch with him and like pulling teeth just to get the person in charge to respond. Finally, in December we were able to talk with him for the first time. He seemed different…like he had changed…although he only shared how positive things were and didn’t seem as open to share about the daily things going on. But we knew it was a process and would take time…it was supposed to be a 9-month process.

At the beginning of 2019, things started to get a little weird. We had been lied to multiple times about a few things and times when we were supposed to talk to Gus, but we just chalked it up to the person in charge being busy. It did get to the point in February where Ximena called the clinic, demanding to speak to Gus after discovering a deeper lie, but Gustavo assured us that things were good and the process was working.

On March 21st, we received a message from Gustavo that he had just escaped and needed to talk to us! We were both at the office, so we immediately connected and video called him. He shared that things had not been as great as he had shared, but each conversation that we had with him, even when he was supposed to be completely alone, was coached and there was always someone in the room with him. Even the videos that we had received, sometimes had to be rerecorded 3-4 times so that we heard exactly what they wanted us to hear. We also found out that the clothing bought for him, things sent down, and extra money that was requested was never actually given to him. So Richard got on a plane the next morning and flew to Guadalajara.

Whenever Gustavo had escaped, it was with another guy who had actually been in the program for 9 months. It turns out that there are guys in the rehab clinic that have been there for 2 years, where their family members are told that they are still not doing good to get money out of them! The only time they have ever seen anyone leave is when the family comes to get them out. So Richard went to the house and found Gustavo. Immediately when Gus saw him, he just started running down the street and they hugged for what seemed like forever and seconds at the same time…Gus just started crying. The drug rehab center still had his belongings, so we went by to get them. Supposedly, they “lost” his cellphone, backpack, and clothing…so it basically ended up being a complete bust. Sadly, this was the most recommended center in Mexico that we had been able to find, since physical punishment wasn’t used as often at this rehab center.

Thankfully it doesn’t end there! Gustavo had completed 6 months of the process, which is called ego-reduction therapy. It basically focused on depriving him of privileges and allowing him to value what is most important. Although they went to an extreme of physical punishment and constant verbal abuse, he did get something out of it. First…he came out clean from a few addictions that he had…and second…he had to face himself while he was in there. He said that during the first few weeks, he felt like a trapped cat that just wanted to climb the walls and escape. But slowly he had to face himself and the decisions that he has made.

From Guadalajara, we had to drive to Queretaro, which is a couple of states over. That was the most beautiful time. Gustavo just shared…for 5 hours…about pain, dark places, losses, hopelessness, brokenness, forgiveness…life. Ximena had asked whenever Richard got back in country if it was worth it, and he shared that just those 5 hours alone was worth it. Gustavo still has a lot to work through, especially from abusive relationships since he was a baby, but he was able to share some of his hopes and dreams for the future.

Once Richard and Gustavo got to Queretaro, the ball was in Gustavo’s court so to speak. They had discussed on the way that this was his opportunity to decide what he wants to do in his life and who he wants to become, not following what he thinks other people want him to do. The first step was to get him medical care, since he had a rash all over his body from blankets not being washed and somewhat constant diarrhea while he was at the rehab center. The second thing that he wanted to do was to visit family and friends that had impacted his life, as he had the time to see at the clinic what was really important in life.

The other dream that he had was to make the house that he is living in a home. He had shared that he had never really felt “home” since he was little, because he always knew there was going to be an end where he would have to move. Due to that, he has never felt freedom to put down roots. Even though he had lived in the same house for almost 3 years now, he hadn’t done anything to fix it up, because he always thought that things could change and he would have to leave. So he bought some paint and cleaning supplies and off we went. His roommates hadn’t been the cleanest while he was gone, so it took 2 full days to clean everything and get it put in order. But, Gilberto, one of his roommates helped a ton! In the end, he shared that it finally felt like home.

The last day, Richard took all 4 guys that live in the house (Gustavo and 3 other boys who aged out of the orphanage...Gilberto, Lupillo, and Israel) out to eat tacos. Richard and Ximena have known all of them since they were in middle school, so it has been cool to continue to be in touch. As they were getting in the car, Lupillo joked, “Richard...should we be worried? Are you taking all of us to check into rehab?” We all had a good laugh since Gustavo hadn’t known that Richard was checking him into rehab back in October. It was a really cool night to end his time in Mexico, as we used to bring all of those boys to our house that was around the corner back in 2008 and feed them tons and tons of tacos. It was weird to think back to those times, while also seeing how far Gustavo has come over the past few months.

As soon as Richard got back, we had visitors from Texas: Danny and Shereen Bickham! They had decided to fly up for the weekend to visit our kids (they are one of our kid’s grandparents) and to spend time with us. On the first day there were here, they actually took our two youngest kids from 8AM-8PM!!! It was a day filled with Waffle House, 2 movies at the theatre, Jumping World, and Chucky Cheese. Wow! We were tired just hearing about it. And we were able to go out on a date! It was the first all day date that we have had since living in Mexico before having kids. It involved breakfast and going to a huge furniture store to get house ideas and even getting to go to a consignment clothing store for Ximena that made her feel like a princess!

At the very end of the month, we had the most special Sunday and it was really beautiful. We were able to have a video call with all of our kids (except Inti) and share a dream that we have had for years. We are planning on having a family reunion with all of our kids in Mexico this December to serve at the orphanage (Pan de Vida) and be able to hang out together. For those of you who have talked to Ximena, this family reunion has been a dream of hers for over 2 years. They all are starting to save a little bit of money each month to help pay for their flights. It was a beautiful time to see everyone connected at the same time and begin to see a dream potentially happening! And just a few hours after, we received a message from one of our friends sharing that he has extra frequent flyer points that we could use if needed (Thanks, Tim!!!). It was just a confirmation for us and excited to see God already working.

As Richard was flying home from Mexico this past week, there is a song called “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle that he was listening to that really touched his heart. The words speak to that deep place in your soul with healing truth and really summed up the past month. It says,

You are not hidden.

There’s never been a moment you were forgotten.

You are not hopeless.

Though you have been broken; your innocence stolen.

I hear you whisper underneath your breath.

I hear your SOS, your SOS.

I will send out an army to find you in the middle of the darkest night.

It’s true; I will rescue you.

There is no distance that cannot be covered over and over.

You’re not defenseless.

I’ll be your shelter; I’ll be your armor.

Isn’t that what we all want to hear? That even in those dark and difficult moments, He will be there to even send out an entire army to rescue us…to rescue those we love most…to rescue me. We serve an incredible and awesome El Roi...the God who sees…and we are able to call Yeshua our brother...He who rescues. That is something that we truly rest in. He sees us, he sees our kids, he fights for them and rescues them when we can’t. What a beautiful promise! So even though things that matter are hard, we are so grateful for a God who walks alongside us and our kids every step of the way.

We are so grateful for the time spent reading this update and we really do covet your prayers for our kids.

~Richard and Ximena