I was listening to a podcast this morning, based on the book “Invitations from God” by Adele Calhoun, which is an amazing book that I had read this past year. As with most books and scripture, it is interesting how things hit you at different parts of your journey. In it, she says “Life doesn’t happen after our every expectation is fulfilled; it happens as we wait expectantly with open hands and with God.” Wow! There is such truth in that and I hope that sinks in for each of you as well. We are in the process of wading through our expectations to be able to give them completely over to Him as we wait.
As with most families who adopt or foster, we are waiting. We are waiting to see what will happen with J’s case. We are waiting to see how long he will be in our home. We are waiting to see when he will overcome many of the trauma behaviors and unhealthy soothing strategies that he has put in place to protect himself. We are waiting for the screaming to stop. We are waiting for M to finally reach her bottom to work towards a healthy place to get her kids back. The only thing we can do in the meantime is to try to not force what we think is best over what is God’s best, including His perfect timing for the things that we are expectantly waiting for.
In the middle of July, we were able to have baby C back with us for a week, since his foster mom was going out of town on vacation. Boy, was that an experience!!! Honestly, we were still exhausted from dealing with the high emotions of the previous few weeks and taking on care of Julian full-time. Baby C would wake up every few hours in the middle of the night for feeding, and Ximena would take most of those times. He was also sick during the whole week, which made it more interesting. Then, while she slept it the morning, Richard would be dealing with the two small kids, while trying to get breakfast for the other three and squeezing in some work too. We were both still trying to keep up with our ministry at Orphanos, which usually happened late at night when everyone was in bed, as well as being there for the other three kids. You should have seen both of us by the end of that week! We both were like, “Oh…we did this when we were younger…we aren’t meant to do this again!” Ximena always jokes around that we were asking God for an older teenager who was in need, but He just was off by about 15 years! It was a beautiful time for the boys to spend together and J loved being a big brother, but let’s just say that we were grateful whenever his foster mom came and got him.
A few days later, we had the official court date in the juvenile court regarding what had happened with J and baby C. Thankfully, the court in Memphis now is online, so we were able to wait during the four hours until they actually called his case at home instead of in the waiting room. The judge took the case very seriously and granted full custody of J to us during this process. It was a relief to know that we could keep him in a healthy environment for now, but it was also under the realization that we will be raising a toddler potentially for many months to come.
During that time, we were given a big surprise! For those of you who have been with us on this journey for a while, you will remember Roberto and Charmai Davalos, who were the directors at Jungle Kids for Christ. We ministered alongside them in Misahualli for the years that we lived in Ecuador. Well, we had been talking some with them a few months before this, because they were looking at moving to Memphis for their two youngest girls to finish high school in the US. And they did!!! It was absolutely surreal to have them in our home in Memphis and now have them as neighbors. Ximena even made the connection that Inti had lived with them for a year before he moved to Quito with us, so it was like having two of his families at the same time. Charmai shared, “It is comforting to be around familiar faces and people who share your heart and some of your history. I loved seeing Inti with your family, how much he has matured, and gained confidence, he looks so healthy with you all.” We have been able to see them a second time since then and look forward to time together.
We were then able to head to Puerto Rico for a family vacation that has been in planning for almost three years! It had been put on hold this past year due to the pandemic, but we were able to work it out for this year. We would like to especially thank Serenity for taking care of J while we were gone and for the Russom family for providing the hotel stay. It was a beautiful and relaxing time to just be together the five of us. We knew how tired we were, but it was an exhaustion and an emotional roller-coaster that our three kids had lived through as well. We were able to just be and sit and swim…and were able to finally have time to think and clear the fogginess of the previous 4 months. It allowed us to reshape our focus as a family as well and dream about the future.
The day we got back, life continued!!! Our flights were delayed on the way back, which caused us to miss our connecting flight. Thankfully, we were able to get home late on a Sunday for the kid’s school to start the next day. At the same time, Inti and Santi came home sick, so we started the whole COVID testing process, which thankfully came back negative, but ended up getting passed around to everyone. We knew that we couldn’t continue juggling full-time ministry with Orphanos and caring for J, so we had started looking for a daycare before we left on vacation. All of the daycares close to our home were full and we were on around 10 different wait lists. Thankfully, we received a call out of the blue on the day we returned to Memphis for a tour of a daycare that Richard had forgot he had even called. After the tour, we were told that they had just hired a new teacher the day before and so he could start in two weeks! It was such an answer to prayer. But those two weeks definitely continued to be interesting!
Richard has continued to attended classes on spiritual formation at Moody in Chicago. Most of his coursework to become a spiritual director is online, but he has to attend four weekends a year in-person. It just so happened that this was the same week as school started and we were still in the juggling process. Ximena did great during the weekend, as she always does when he is gone, and it was a great weekend time for Richard. As he was going to the Chicago airport to head back home, he received a call from Ximena asking, “Should I take J to the hospital?” It had turned out that J had gotten in the way of Santi’s vigorous movement of a game controller, resulting in a trip to the ER and five stitches. Thankfully, Amy was there to walk alongside Ximena until Richard could get home. But it was definitely a tiring start to the week!
Inti is still living with us as well and looking forward to moving to Canada in October. He started a full-time internship with a blind and shutter company and has really been enjoying it. He works alongside a bunch of different installers, so he gets to meet a lot of different characters. We have been working with him on things like budgeting, changing the oil on his car (the younger kids learned too!), and realistic expectations to prepare him for the move to Canada. It is something that we are nervous about, and he is as well, but we are also excited about the opportunities that he can have there. We will be driving up to Canada with him in October and spend a few days helping him get settled.
At the end of August, Ify, one of Richard's best friends at college, came and visited for a week. It was a visit we had been hoping for and talking about for a while, but it was so incredibly amazing to have her here! It had been way too long! They were able to catch up on the past 15 years of life and it was like old times...well maybe a little less crazy, but still fun! They were able to go downtown and enjoy some blues at BB Kings and Ify even made some Nigerian food, which was amazing. We were able to have some deep discussions about life and God. It was so cool to see that even though life has thrown us different and challenging curve-balls along the way, our faith in God and our walk with Him have continued to bring us closer to Him. It was a beautiful time that we are so grateful for! And I guess we passed the test...she wrote and said "spending time with you guys was the perfect vacation and I won't ever be able to thank you enough for opening up your home. I love you guys and your children and your hearts and I look forward to the next time we get to spend together."
At the end of August, we were met with an additional surprise, when we received a message late at night from J’s biological father. He hasn’t been in the picture for at least around a year and we had messaged him when the situation first happened with Marelyn, but he was uninterested. He shared that he was going to be in Memphis and wanted to see J. After hearing some background information that we didn’t know and some lies that he said M had told him, we agreed to meet him the next day. J didn’t recognize him, but warmed up to him during our time together. At the end of the meeting, J’s dad asked if he could take him to see his grandmother who lives in Memphis. We agreed to a supervised visit the next day and it was beautiful. J did recognize both his grandmother, his step-grandfather, and some of his aunts and uncles. We were able to learn more about the grandmother’s relationship with J and how she is wanting to care for him full-time. We are in the process of exploring that with her, but J has been able to now have regular, weekend visits with his grandmother, which he is loving!!!
And so we wait! We see glimpses of where He is leading us and the work that He is doing behind-the-scenes. But we desire to open our clenched fists and fully offer ourselves to Him, even if it doesn’t make sense all of the time, it isn’t what we want, or what we consider to be best. He has so many threads at work at the same time, most that we don’t even know are there, but it is all weaving something beautiful!
Prayer Request:
1. We are traveling to Canada the second week of October to take Inti to Toronto. Please be praying for the trip, protection over the border crossing, and wisdom in helping him take initial steps. There are a few things that he/we need help with: if you have any contacts in Toronto to connect him with and then a few things to start life in Toronto (laptop, cellphone, mattress, and winter clothes). If you are interested in helping with any of those things, please let us know.
2. The next court date for J is on October 18th. Please be praying that God will guide the judge in making decisions that are healthy for the boys. It really is up to her when, if, and how the boys are returned. We are also working with J’s grandmother about the possibility of her having custody during the process so that he can be with his biological family.
3. The Orphanos Training Retreat is coming up at the end of October. This is the busiest season for Richard, as he has dozens of missionaries coming from all over the globe and he is in charge of the event. Please pray for wisdom as he prepares for this!
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