These past few months have been filled with so much, while at the same time seems so routine now that it is easy to forget when we look back. God gave us so many sweet gifts that we weren’t expecting!
September was September! It was a month that doesn’t have too many events that “stick” out, but as we reflect, it sure does! When we first started taking care of J, which now has been almost 8 months , it was incredibly difficult. He would throw multiple tantrums a day, he would scream for 2-3 hours every naptime and nighttime, he wouldn’t eat, and it was hard. It is amazing how sometimes such simple routines for us, like sitting in the car seat, would lead to a meltdown for him. Every day that we took him to daycare, he would scream and cry, and every time we picked him up, he would run to us with a terrified look on his face. So, September and October were months where the light at the end of the tunnel was finally seen! He now sleeps most days without screaming or crying, he doesn’t scream or cry at the day care most of the time, and he is trying new foods, although sometimes it does still lead to a few tantrums. But now it feels like we are more dealing with a “terrible two’s tantrum” and not the extreme trauma side of things. We settled in to being a family of 6, with the occasional 7th member!
Halfway through the month, Ximena was invited to join two other ladies from our church, Claire and Lori, to go to the Christian Alliance for Orphans conference in Ohio. She had attended the conference a few years ago, so she was excited to learn new things about orphans and vulnerable children. While she was there, she was able to be in two sessions led by Bishop Aaron Blake. He spoke about his experiences taking teenagers from the foster system into his home and the joys/challenges that come. It was great to not only hear about his experience, but also to hear from one of his sons decades after being his foster son. Immediately after coming back to Memphis, Claire began conversations with our church to start a ministry to foster and adoptive families. So FAM (Foster and Adoption Ministry) has now officially been born and we are excited to take part in helping out here in Memphis.
Once things started to cool down, Santiago and Richard started to work. Santiago had wanted bunkbeds for his birthday, so we had purchased the lumber, but it was too hot to be working outside. In September and October, we used a few weekends to sand, stain, and build the bunkbed. Santi did almost all of the sanding and we did a staining competition at the end. It turned out great! Santi now has LED lights all around it and spends a lot of time hanging out in his bed and in his desk as well.
When October started, we knew that it was going to be a busy season, but it was also a big milestone. We moved to Memphis exactly 5 years ago on October 1st! Time has gone by quickly, but it was a great day to set aside and celebrate the years that God has given us here. Inti had been wanting to try out a restaurant called the Crazy Noodle and so we did! It had great Korean noodles and it was fun to talk with the kids about the past 5 years and the changes we have experienced since Ecuador.
The rest of October definitely turned out to be a blur. Inti, our 19-year-old, could only stay legally in the US for up to 6 months with his Canadian passport, and our younger kid’s fall break started right at that time. We planned the trip to Canada! Ximena’s parents live in Ohio, so we broke up the trip into two parts, traveling to outside of Cleveland and then onto Toronto. It was definitely a long drive, but it was enjoyable at the same time! We were able to see the Niagara Falls, right after crossing over the border, and that was a beautiful experience. We then drove on to stay with one of Ximena’s uncles who lives just a few minutes from the falls and about an hour from Toronto. Inti has a step-brother, Gustavo, who lives in Toronto, who he hadn’t seen for 8 years, but was looking to connect with on arrival.
The day after we arrived, we started running around like crazy! Inti was able to get his social insurance number, open a bank account, begin applying for his passport renewal as an adult, write his resumé, and get a few items that he needed to adjust to the new, colder environment. The next day, we set up to meet Gustavo for dinner in Toronto and drove into the city. It was truly a beautiful reunion! We were able to spend the evening together and enjoy catching up on life over the past few years. We hadn’t seen Gustavo since Inti lived with us in Ecuador, so it was good for us to see him as well. He had an extra room that Inti was able to move into and was going to help him look for a job as well. Inti unpacked some of his things and we set up to meet again the following day.
The next day, we drove about 3 hours further into Canada to visit a dear friend, Janelle, who y’all have seen in our updates before. She had been to Ecuador to serve at Ximena’s church when she was younger, she worked with us at Pan de Vida for a few months in Mexico, and she came and visited us here in Memphis a few years back. So, it was definitely our turn to visit her!!! We were able to meet up at an apple farm and a corn maze to spend some time together and then even had the best poutine that we had tried!!! It was a sweet time to catch up and we are so grateful for our friendship. We then drove back to Toronto to drop off Inti at his brother’s house for the last time. It was definitely a bitter-sweet, as many things are. We are excited for the opportunity that life in Canada can give him, but we miss him so much.
As soon as we arrived back in Memphis, life continued! The day after getting back, we had court for J, although thankfully it was virtual. It was the fastest court proceeding that we have experience and basically consisted of taking everyone’s names and then sharing that the next court date would be the end of January. Richard asked to be able to share a question and explained that the social worker had been working with J’s grandmother for her to have temporary custody during the proceedings. Well, it turned out that the social worker hadn’t done everything she was supposed to, so nothing had been filed with legal and nothing was done. The judge explained that she wants family to be raising J, but that a petition through his lawyer would need to be done. Sadly, after multiple calls, the lawyer still hasn’t returned calls, so we are waiting. Thankfully, J’s grandmother is very involved in his life and reaches out most weekends to spend time with him. He loves his time with his grandparents and cries most times when we pick him up, which is so great, as it shows the emotional ties he has with them.
At that point, it was less than a week until the Orphanos Training Retreat and Missionary Kid’s Camp, so Richard pretty much disappeared from then on! We had 17 adults and 15 kids that came in from 10 different countries for the 8 day and 7-night retreat, so there were a lot of details to take care of. Thankfully, we had caregivers come in from 5 different states to care for our missionaries and their kids and provide a place for them to disconnect. The adults received training on healing from trauma and spiritual disciplines, while the kids received sessions on what it means to be a Third Culture Kid (TCK). It went so well!!! Everyone shared how it was exactly what they were needing for this season and that it was a great combination of rest and being poured into. Richard is just glad that we only do it every 2 years! He is exhausted, but was so thankful for his co-worker, Stephanie, and the Tweed family who came to help with the logistics of everything.
Now, we are settling into the fall season here in Memphis. Usually, it takes about 2 days for the leaves to turn brown and fall. This year, the leaves have been changing beautifully and we have been treated to such an amazing view of colors. We were able to celebrate Halloween right after the retreat with the cutest gnome ever! J has started speech therapy and is making big leaps in his speech. It is amazing to see how much he has been able to improve recently! Santiago and Lani are enjoying being in school and really love taking the bus this year. At the same time, M has been in a good place the past few weeks and we have been able to set up some in-person visits and phone calls. We are hoping to celebrating Thanksgiving together with her in a few weeks. Kids in our neighborhood are coming out more and our kids are enjoying being able to hang out after school and on the weekends. We are now getting into a regular rhythm again and enjoying time together.
We do have a few prayer requests that we would love prayer on:
1. We are going through foster training to become certified by Tennessee as foster parents. They are 3-4 hour training sessions 1-2 times a week, so it is tiring to have them on top of the other things we are doing. Thankfully, we finish the 7th and 8th sessions over the next two weeks, but prayers for finalizing the process and the home study would be appreciated!
2. Winter is coming! Winter is a hard season for us. Already, it is starting to get dark at 4:30 here in Memphis, which makes us just want to curl up in bed. Please pray especially for Ximena, as the sun is her best friend and she definitely misses it!
3. Our relationship with M has improved recently and we are excited to be on speaking terms. Please pray that God would give us wisdom on words to share and how to speak into her life.
Thank you for reading!
~Richard and Ximena
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